Well, what a Roll Up!

There are ordinary Thursdays at the Lakes, and then there are days when someone shoots one under gross for nine holes, someone else loses a golf ball on the green, and the Digital Divots ends up sounding more like the 3.30 at Kempton.

Phil “Magic Hands” Lambden certainly provided the opening act. He tore through the front nine one under gross, amassing an extraordinary 25 points and presumably wondering whether anyone had ever scored 50 before. Golf, naturally, had other ideas. The back nine arrived, the magic wand went back in the bag and poor Phil eventually found himself outside the Division 1 honours altogether. There are few games quite so efficient at restoring a man’s sense of perspective.

Graeme “Cookie” Cook managed something arguably even more impressive:he lost a ball on the green! We kid you not. Convinced his ball had rolled into the water on the 1st, Cookie took the appropriate drop and carried on with the hole. His playing partners eventually pointed out that the missing ball had performed the rather less dramatic manoeuvre of rolling onto the green. Oh dear, Graeme. We’ve all lost one in the rough, trees and occasionally somewhere between the car park and first tee, but the putting surface is setting a new standard.

Much more importantly, it was wonderful to welcome Maurie back for his first Roll Up in a year, while John Hutch completed his first full round in more than two years. Great to see you both back out there with us — exactly where you belong.

And there was some seriously good golf amongst the entertainment.

Brian Chambers took Division 1 with an excellent 41 points. Three players finished on 39, with John Blake’s impressive back nine earning him second place on countback ahead of Bob Fanstone in third. That left Phil and his spectacular opening nine contemplating what might have been. Twenty-five points at the turn and no podium finish. Golf really can be a thoroughly unreasonable pastime.

Division 2 belonged to Andy Steege, who produced the best score of the day with a superb 43 points. Kevin Burnett-Whalley wasn’t far behind with an excellent 40 for second, while Mick Holmes claimed third with 39.

Five players also found the right bit of green at the right time to share the Twos Pot: Sam Heal, Peter Lyons, Andy Steege, Mark Amandini and Alastair Morrison. Nicely done, gentlemen.

Meanwhile, after weeks of jostling, calculations and the occasional contribution that teammates might prefer quietly forgotten, the Digital Divots Summer League has reached its conclusion.

The Bee Gees held on to top spot, with Yid Army squeaking past It’s Coming Home into second. Frankly, that sounds less like a golf league and more like the finishing order from a photo finish at Ascot — which seems entirely appropriate for these particular thoroughbreds.

Round 9 of the Senior Captains Cup is also now safely in the book. The calculators are being warmed up, the abacuses have been dusted off and the latest standings will appear on the home page once the numbers have been properly crunched.

Great scores, returning faces, a disappearing ball that wasn’t actually missing and another league decided by the narrowest of margins.

Just another perfectly normal Thursday at the Lakes.